


so much more

by imcoolurnot



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: M/M, SKAM, SKAM - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-03 06:00:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10237397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imcoolurnot/pseuds/imcoolurnot
Summary: In which Sonja persuades Even into adopting a dog but Even gets away with so much more than a dog.Or the one where Even is too afraid to break up with Sonja and Isak volunteers at an animal shelter.Also, follow me on tumblr: https://skam4life.tumblr.com/





	1. Chapter 1

The second Even wakes up he knows that something is about to change. Maybe it's because of his illness - Sonja has always said that his paranoia comes exactly from that - but he just knows that something is going to be different. Maybe it's the fact that Sonja's lips don't feel as nice as before, maybe it's the fact that he finally feels ready and while his heart is pounding so hard that it hurts, Even believes that it's finally the day. It's not a secret that he loves Sonja with all of his heart, that he loves the way she smells or the way she laughs at his dumb jokes, it's just that the past few months have been rather.. hard. He knew that the blonde girl was trying, he knew that she was doing her best, it's just that he hates being under someone else's control. He hates the fact that she doesn't even care about him anymore and most of the time it feels like she's here because of his illness, because she'd feel guilty if she left him alone. He hates the fact that she's with him just because she feels guilty.  
And here they are. Once again. Even is drinking his tea and taking his pills like the good boy he is, while Sonja is staring at him with that piercing look and once again, he feels ready. He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth, when Sonja breaks the silence. Her voice is soft, nice, as if she is talking to a child.  
"We should get a dog. I can't be with you all the time and a pet could cheer you up." And here it goes again, Even takes one step back and his heart clenches, so he just smiles and nods. He can't say no to that, can he? They leave Even's apartment an hour later, Sonja is holding his hand and he really wants to feel good again, he wants to smile and laugh at her jokes, but there's something wrong and Even can feel it in his bones. He doesn't say a word, though, he's trying to look happy.  
They get in a fight the second they enter the shelter. It's a dumb one, but Even feels hurt, places like this makes him feel sad. Disappointed even. Sonja, of course, wants a puppy, but Even dares to disagree. He wants an older dog, they look sad, they remind him of his own soul, they look like they just want someone to love and oh god, Even can relate. They keep arguing for a few more minutes until Sonja falls silent, until her face lights up in a matter of seconds.  
"Hey guys, can I help you with anything?" And there he is, the reason why Sonja is smiling and acting as if everything is okay, the reason why Even starts smiling himself. The boy standing infront of them looks too young to have a permanent job, he's quite short, especially, if compared to Even, but his blond curls and and bright smile makes Even feel safe. As if he's here to help. Even's eyes find a nametag with the word "Isak" written on it and once again he feels ready. There's nothing that could stop him now.  
"Actually, yes" Even is the first to step in, he's smiling although with a corner of his eye he can see the frown on Sonja's face. She's used to speaking up first, to being first." I want a dog. But like, an older one, and I just can't pick." There's no " we" in his statement and he feels Sonja's body tense, but as his eyes are locked with Isak's, he lets himself forget about her, forget about everything.  
"Oh, what a good choice!" Isak's face lights up and Even can feel his heart pounding faster with every second that passes."Old dogs are less likely to get adopted, so it's always nice to have someone that actually wants to take care of them." Isak's voice fills up the place and Even feels happy. Not because of the huge dog that suddenly stars licking his hand, not because Sonja is angry, but because he feels the way that Isak is staring at him and he realizes that maybe he actually stands a chance. Not much time passes and Even tells Isak to call him the second the dog is ready to go. And the second they leave Even feels free again, not even Sonja can ruin the happiness with her frown after he tells her that he needs a break. A break from her, a break from being the man with an illness and a break from their relationship. Because for the first time in months Even is happy and his heart is pounding and he feels good. Because now there's no one that could stop him from feeling good, no one that could stop him from flirting with that cute boy who calls him just a few days later with some incredible news about that dog and maybe a cup of coffee that they could go out for to discuss that old dog that Isak seems to love so freaking much.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Even feels sad  
> COME AND TALK TO ME ON TUMBLR https://skam4life.tumblr.com/

Two days later, when Even wakes up in his warm bed with that Gabrielle's song playing somewhere in the background, something isn't right. It's not that his body aches with every breath he takes and not even the fact that he finished his bottle of those little pills few days ago, it's just that he feels sad. It's just that the sadness is so deep that Even feels it in his bones and all he wants to do is cry. But his phone is ringing and the sheets are dirty, soaked with his sweat and tears. So Even feels the need to get up, so he does. His body is shaking and everything hurts just so bad, but he's trying, he really is. His fingers slowly find the phone and he sighs, expecting it to be his either his mother or Sonja, but it's not. Even takes a deep breath and feel his body go numb as his eyes notice the little word that lights up the whole screen.  
"Hey Even, it's Isak!" His voice is so cheerful, it sounds like music to Even's ears."I just wanted to make sure if we're still on for today? I have all of the documents that you need to sign to adopt Daisy, that's the dog's name,in case you forgot.." Isak is rambling and Even can't control his smile.  
"Yes, we're still on" Even interrupts, his voice raspy and so much different from Isak's that it makes him feel tense. The happiness that he first felt after meeting Isak is now back again and Even somehow manages to forget the fact that he hasn't spoken to anyone in two days. They say their goodbyes and Even is forced to face all of the missed text calls and messages, most of them coming from Sonja. It's only matter of seconds and Even feels sad again, it's been years since he was diagnosed with being bipolar but somehow he still feels sad every time that he makes someone worry about it. Maybe that's why he doesn't have many friends - he simply doesn't want them to feel worried. He used to be quite popular, though. People just loved the idea of having someone so cheerful, so happy all the time in their friend group and Even, even though he wanted to feel normal with every inch of his body, hated it. Even back then he couldn't stand the fact that people wieved his illness as if it was something funny, so he simply distanced himself from them. Sonja was the only one left and now, after breaking up with her, Even was left alone, lonely and sad. However, he doesn't let the sadness get to him again, he manages to brush his teeth and he drinks a cup of tea without sugar, just like how he is used to. It feels weird not having Sonja around, not hearing her voice and not feeling her near, but Even simply ignores the feeling. He doesn't need her here, if he actually wanted someone to take care of him, he would call his mother. But he doesn't. He simply keeps telling himself that when he leaves his apartment and even five minutes later, when he comes back to lock the door.  
It's a beautiful day outside. Even can't help but look at the bright blue sky, but the only thing that actually gets his attention is the way that people are smiling. It's weird and Even is not used to that but it feels nice. People seem happy and it makes him feel happy tho, although his happiness is too fragile to be true. Not even an hour later Even reaches the small Café and there he is. Isak is sitting near the window, looking straight into his phone which gives Even a chance to look at him for a few minutes before he comes in and says hello. The younger boy is beautiful. So goddamn beautiful that it hurts and Even can't stop looking at him, at his blond curls,pink lips and that quite small frame that would fit so nicely into his arms. Even takes a deep breath and opens the door, the smell of coffee and cupcakes suddenly hitting his face.  
"Hi" He's out of breath and he's barely standing on his legs, but apart that, he's smiling. And Isak is smiling too. It takes only a few seconds for Even to notice that Isak's eyes are sparkling too. The boy looks happy and Even wants to feel happy too. They spend hours talking about everything except the actual reason of their meeting and while he's drinking his fifth cup of tea, Even suddenly comes with realization that he hasn't thought about his problems at all. Before actually seeing Isak, Even was just plainly sad, but now? Everything feels different and the older guy is sure that now he has a new favorite sound. It's Isak's laugh. While they're talking about every little thing, Isak seems just too happy to be true. And now Even is happy too. And while this happiness lasts, it feels as if nothing can bring him down. Except Even is wrong. While he's ready to order ten more cups of green tea, Isak has to go. His girlfriend is waiting.  
The way he says her name and the way he smiles while talking about her makes Even sick. More sick than ever before. Of course he has a girlfriend. Of course he doesn't like boys. Of course Even was just dumb. Just dumb enough to believe that someone, well, someone except Sonja, could love him enough. But he's still smiling, although it hurts. They say their goodbyes and Even even gets a hug - most of the time it would make him happy but it's different now. Different until he gets the message " we forgot the dog, haha. when are you free?" and realizes that Isak is not everything. He doesn't even know him, but he still wants the dog. So he text back, although he feels his heart ache more and more with every letter that he writes. " Tomorrow at eight? Can't wait to get that dog. :)" . He's trying to sound cold and maybe even a little harsh, but how can he? Not even a minute passes and he gets another message, it's just that this one makes everything so much more painful. " I can't wait to see **you** again"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, let me know if you like it or not!I actually think that it's time to put some action into my fics, so maybe the next chapter will be different. If there is a next chapter, haha.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Even gets back with someone.  
> Come and talk to me on tumblr, please! https://skam4life.tumblr.com/

Everything hurts. It feels like his body is on fire but Even just can't stop running, as if something bad was bound to happen the moment his body stops moving forward. It's almost eight in the morning and he's been running since six. His body is itchy, covered in sweat and extremely sticky and Even hates it. He hates it and he'd so much rather be in his shower right now and yet, he can't stop running. Well, at least until Even sees **him**. Isak looks like a lost child. With his blond curls hardly covering his forehead, with his eyes down on his phone and with his red snapback that should keep his hair in order. It doesn't. And Even is so goddamn happy it doesn't, he can finally stop. He's covered in sweat, he's sticky and yet, he doesn't think about it anymore. Actually, all he can think about is that he's standing right here, just a few steps away from him. There are so many thoughts about Isak in his head that it hurts and yet, Even can't help but enjoy the weird feeling.  
"Hi." He is smiling and everything seems just fine, except it's not. Even is looking straight into Isak's eyes and his head is full of nasty thoughts. He had never thought that he'd had found someone so young and so innocent, so pleasing. His body aches and all he wants to do is touch, all he wants to do is feel the smooth skin of Isak underneath his fingertips.  
"Oh hi, Even. I didn't see you there," Isak goes in for a hug and Even wants to take a step back. He's sweaty and probably just gross, but Isak doesn't seem to mind, so Even embraces his small frame for a few seconds. Maybe Even is too damn tall, maybe Isak is too small but it feels weird. But nice. And just after a few seconds Even doesn't want to let him go anymore.  
"So... the dog?" It seems like Even doesn't want to waste time, so Isak just simply nods his head. They sit on a wooden bench and Isak gives a huge pile of papers to Even which makes the older boy confused. He'd never thought that adopting a dog would take so much time and so much effort.  
"Yeah, you should know something.." Isak coughs as if he's trying to cover up the change in his voice so Even looks up from the papers." Daisy is kinda sick right now? Like, it's nothing serious so you shouldn't worry, it's just that you won't be able to take her home until next week."  
"Why did we meet in a fucking park, though?" Even is genuinely confused and he's even more confused when he notices how red Isak is turning.   
" Well, I didn't want you to.. to you know, get your hopes up." Even's signature is on all of the papers now so Isak just shrugs his shoulders and smiles. Even would like to complain or tease him but he looks so shy and so cute, teasing him seems impossible.  
"Well, alright.. Do you want to get coffee?" Even is still sweaty and sticky, but he doesn't want to let go. Isak just nods and after a few minutes they head straight to one small cafe near the park. Even is quiet, but Isak's voice completely fills the void, although the words falling out of his mouth hurt. He's talking about his girlfriend again. According to Isak, **Eva** ,that's her name, is just so nice and she's taking a good care of soon-to-be-Even's dog. The hot coffee is burning Even's tongue, but the tall boy doesn't seem to mind. He's listening to the words that are falling out of Isak's mouth and, to be honest, they hurt so much more. About an hour later Even is just sure that Isak is happy and very much not gay. He just seems so in love with his girlfriend Even feels sick, and that might be the reason why after they part their separate ways, Even texts Sonja. It's just a simple hello, but the girl seems quite excited, she's putting weird emojis into her texts and she even offers to meet up. Even agrees. Sure, he doesn't want to get back with her. She was too controlling, too mom-like, but after listening to Isak, he feels lonely, his body aches and he's just so desperate to love somebody. The moment he comes come, he takes a shower, he brushes his teeth and even changes his clothes as if looking clean and nice would help Sonja relax. They meet up and they hold hands and Sonja just seems so happy that Even feels happy too. He doesn't really want to kiss her goodbye, but he doesn't push her away. Her lips are soft, they taste like cherry lip gloss and while it actually feels quite nice, Even can't help but wonder, what does Isak taste like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, give me some feedback. What do you like about this? What do you dislike about this? Should I even bother continuing this or not? That seems like quite a great way to end it, realistic even, doesn't it?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Even gets his hopes up

The fact that Even is used to the pain is not a secret. He's been living with it since he turned fifteen but nowadays the pain is different. At least it feels different, and all that Even wants to do is to sleep. It might be just one of his episodes so he simply doesn't mind, not when Sonja is around, at least. And she's around almost all the time and Even once again feels like he can't breath. The blond girl acts like she's his mother, always reminding him to take his pills, always pressuring him to get up out of his bed that somehow doesn't seem as comfortable as before. She stresses him out which leads to his illness getting worse and worse every single day. The only thing that actually keeps him going is Isak. Even simply doesn't feel like answering his messages would be a great idea, but Isak never stops texting. Even knows that they aren't friends and most of those messages are about Daisy, but it's the only thing that makes him happy. And Sonja doesn't seem to mind that, although Even spends more time on his phone than actually talking to her. So, Isak keeps sending him pictures of Daisy and she seems completely healthy. But, according to Isak, she's not, and Even starts to worry. Sonja, of course, is the first one to notice that. She's angry. Even can see it in her eyes and in her smile and he hates himself for it. She is a beautiful woman and she definitely doesn't deserve that. In fact, she deserves so much better than a boy with his illness, but she always comes back and Even doesn't know how to say no. So Even turns his phone off and they spend the weekend together. Even doesn't feel good but she doesn't know that, so they kiss and she grinds her body on his and it's nothing new, they've had sex before, but this time it doesn't feel as good. She keeps whispering all of the nasty things she wants him to do and he's not complaining. His body hurts and kissing Sonja makes him feel sick, but he doesn't say a word until his body is covered in hickeys and she's happy. It's Monday morning and Even feels worse than ever. Sonja left about an hour ago and she was smiling and happy, but he's not. She's working while he's throwing up and everything seems so much worse than before. She's not guilty, though. It's Even's fault. He's the one who took way too many pills, he's the one who stuffed his stomach with all the nasty food and he's the one who tried to be normal so hard he forgot that it's impossible. Sonja comes back home in the evening, it's already dark outside and Even is sleeping. His body seems way too small and his breathing is uneven, but she doesn't notice. When he wakes up again it's Tuesday and Sonja is working again. Even still feels bad and he's hungry, but he's too tired. His long fingers find his phone and he finally turns it on. There are hundreds of messages, some of them from his mother, some of them from people inviting him to parties but the majority of them are from Isak. Those messages mostly consist of pictures of Daisy and some dumb puns, but Even also notices that some of them are about his girlfriend and his sadness, but Even doesn't mind them. He thinks that they probably just got into a fight and it's pretty normal. He fights with Sonja all the time. It's just that there's one message so different from others and Even assumes that Isak was drunk when he wrote it. There are a lot of mistakes in his words but Even somehow manages to understand. It's a simple phrase but somehow it makes him nervous and tingly inside. _"She's here and god, it would feel so much better if you were here instead of her"_  
Even is so tired but somehow he manages to text him back. It's a simple question _"Should we talk?"_ but waiting for an answer makes him more nervous than ever. _"No, I was drunk and probably high. You should come and see Daisy, though. She's not ready to go yet but she's excited"_. The first part of the message makes him feel sick again and once again Even feels insecure. About everything. About how naive he is and about how dumb he must have sounded, but the idea of seeing Daisy or even Isak pushes him out of bed. He stinks, so he manages to take a shower and he even drinks a cup of tea. He knows that he should message Sonja, he should inform her that he's going out but he simply doesn't. His body is still weak and shaking so it takes more than half an hour to get to the animal shelter but each step that he takes makes him more and more afraid. And yet he's smiling as he opens the door and he's smiling even after he sees Isak who looks just as beautiful as before. However, something has changed. Isak doesn't seem as happy and his smile isn't as genuine, so Even, trying to be a good man, offers him a cup of coffee once again. They spend ten minutes with Daisy and then here they are, walking through the city, trying to find a place different than the past two times. It doesn't take long for Isak to start talking and when he does, it seems like he's not going to shut up. Even doesn't really know this guy but now everything makes sense. Isak is not happy and Eva isn't the one. According to Isak, she has never been the one. He doesn't really like her and they just wanted to make this guy, Eva's ex Jonas, jealous. Well apparently, Isak and Jonas are friends now and it's over between him and Eva. It's just that there's this another girl who actually has a crush on Isak and while Isak thinks that she's beautiful, she's just not his **type**. And while Even realizes how sad Isak is because of that, there's this weird feeling in his chest that reminds him of hope. Even is sad for Isak and he knows that he has to be a supportive friend, but the cup of coffee in his hand suddenly tastes so much better and Even feels as if he's able to breath again. And he really doesn't want to get his hopes up, but when Isak's hand accidentally brushes on his, Even realizes how screwed he actually is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I really do appreciate your comments and they make me just so so happy, thank you so much! I still need some feedback, though, so feel free to share your opinion with me! :) I also wanted to let you know that I'm not finishing this story just yet, it's just sometimes when I think that the ending of the chapter would be quite realistic, I want to hear your opinions too!
> 
> Also, feel free to come and talk with me on tumblr: https://skam4life.tumblr.com/


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Even gets high

The second Even opens his apartment's door, he notices that Sonja is crying. Her sobs are quiet and her tear-stained cheeks are way too red, so it takes only a few seconds for Even to start feeling guilty. Her small frame seems too small, too vulnerable and as the blond boy takes one step forward, he notices how tired he actually is. Of course it's his fault, it's his fault that she's sad and tired, and it's his fault that she's even here. The girl doesn't want to talk and Even doesn't try to. He just sits near her and takes her hand; they stay silent for hours. He's not even sure which one of them was responsible for the first words that actually broke the silence but it doesn't take much and now Even is crying too. His body is shaking and he's squeezing Sonja's hand. They love each other and, even though they both understand that it's finally time to let go, they simply don't want to. They've been together for years, they've been through hell and back, so living without each other's constant presence seems way too hard, nearly impossible. They're chained for life now, it's just that everything is different now, the love between them just isn't the same anymore. They hold hands the whole evening and they even kiss a few times, just to make sure that there's nothing that they could do to save their falling relationship. Sadly, they both realize that the sparks just aren't here anymore. The second she smiles and closes the door behind her back, Even is crying again, his body is shaking and he feels rather miserable. They've promised each other to stay friends, to be there for each other but as Even watches the love of his teenage years walk away, he feels empty and it gets hard to breath. The lanky boy falls asleep on his kitchen floor and a few hours later, when he finally wakes up, his back is sore and he can hardly stand up straight, but apart from that, he feels better. He's still sad about Sonja but he knows that he can't waste his time and he HAS to move on. He's used to sadness and he knows that it's nothing that his pills or sleep could solve.  
A few hours later he sends a message to Isak. He's not that keen on meeting him today but he really wants to meet Daisy and the younger boy simply agrees. Even brushes his teeth and he gets dressed and he's still sad, but the thought of Daisy and Isak manages to cheer him up a little. Two hours later he's at the shelter. Isak is not here, he wasn't there when he came in either, but Even's fingers are slowly brushing the fur of Daisy's and everything seems okay. He forgets about Sonja, about his sadness and the fact that once again he's left alone. He even engages in a small conversation with another worker of the shelter and the blond girl is smiling as she introduces herself as Vilde. She reminds him of Sonja throughout their high school years and the pain comes back again. But Vilde keeps talking and talking and talking and she's quite surprised that he hasn't taken Daisy home yet. According to her, she's completely healthy and ready to go and Even gets confused.  
"Isak said that she wasn't doing well, that's why." He furrows his brows and Vilde looks at him as if he's dumb but then she smiles and her face lights up again.  
"Well, maybe she was ill after all.. I'm not sure, but you totally can take her home today." Vilde jumps on her feet and Even feels excited again. Daisy is wiggling her tail and she's licking his hand and everything seems just alright until he bumps into Isak on his way home. The younger starts blushing the second he notices Daisy wiggling her tail and he gets even redder when he sees Even's raised brows. The older boy is confused. Sure, it's obvious that he likes Isak and he's not trying to hide it anymore, everything just seems so weird to him.   
"I'd offer you a cup of coffee, but as you can see, I have to bring someone home as soon as possible," Even is smiling again and his smile seems to break the tension in a matter of seconds."So, unless you want to go with me.." Even just shrugs his shoulders and starts walking away from Isak. He's still weirded out by Isak's actions, but when he notices that the shorter boy is following him, he feels happy again.  
They can't take the bus because, to Even's disappointment, dogs, even as beautiful as Daisy, just aren't allowed on it. So they walk for about an hour and Daisy gets tired and Isak is rambling again, so when he actually gets to his apartment, Even feels relieved. Of course, the rooms aren't as clean as he had expected them to be, there are dirty cups of coffee in his sink and Daisy is sniffing everything around and Isak keeps looking everywhere but his eyes, so Even simply feels left out.  
"Make yourself at home. I have.. I have to find something." Even's voice is shaking and once again older boy feels quite embarrassed by that. He smiles at Isak and leaves to his room, which, to his surprise, isn't as messy as he had expected it to be.He spends ten minutes looking for something and when he comes back to the small living room, he notices that Isak is scratching Daisy's neck and he can't help but stare for a minute. They look good almost like they were destined to be here in his messy and dark apartment.  
"Do you smoke?" Even voice is quite soft now, his long fingers are holding something way smaller that Isak suddenly recognizes as a joint and now it's his turn to smile. While Even opens the window, he makes tea and then they finally get a chance to be almost too close to each other. Even refuses to look at him, afraid that under the influence on his pills and marijuana, he simply wouldn't be able to stop himself from doing something that they'd regret, but Isak doesn't seem to happy about it. They're sitting in a complete silence until Isak stars coughing and Even stars laughing and then, only a few seconds later, they're laughing together. Even isn't sure if it's right or if Isak is comfortable with that, but he can't stop himself from kissing him. Isak's lips are soft and they don't taste like anything but him. His fingers on Even's skin make him burn and god, he seems so out of breath, but he still returns every little kiss that Even decides to share with him and now everything feels good again. Although, once again, Even is not sure how long his happiness is going to last this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, I don't really like this chapter, I don't know why. Do you like it, though? Please give me some feedback and tell me what you like or what you dislike! Thank you!
> 
> Also, please follow me on tumblr: https://skam4life.tumblr.com/ . I mostly just reblog stuff, but I'd still appreciate that!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which something actually happens
> 
> TW: Kind of smut in the end. It's not explicit or anything, but if things like that make you uncomfortable - beware.

They spend long hours kissing and sharing that joint and Even is sure that he has never felt this good before, so naturally, when the time comes for Isak to go, Even doesn't want to let go. His fingers are tangled in Isak's hair and he feels almost too desperate for his kisses, but the fact that Isak doesn't seem keen on letting go either makes him feel just a little bit better.. And yet, Isak keeps kissing him back and it makes ever harder for Even to take a step back, so when he finally does, it feels like they have been kissing for eternity. They stand in front of his apartment's door with Daisy laying somewhere in between their legs and Isak is blushing, and god, he looks so beautiful it hurts. His hair is messy and his cheek are red and his eyes are just sparkling with lust, it takes all of the self control that Even has just to not kiss again.  
"There's this little party on Friday. You should come. I'll send you the address." Isak's voice is soft, almost out of breath and Even is extremely impressed. He doesn't even know what day it is but he's sure that he will come. If anything, Even loves Vilde and he's almost sure that he's going to love other friends of Isak too. The younger boy leaves in a matter of second and Even is left alone again. Sure, there's Daisy, but all she seems to do is sleep, so Even decides to go to sleep to. He lays down and he's too tired to get up, so he simply doesn't take his pills and falls asleep just fast enough to forget the fact that HE HAS to take his pills.  
He wakes up quite early in the morning with Daisy laying by his side, but somehow, that doesn't make him happy. He knows that he has to get up, so he does and he even walks Daisy outside. Sadly, when he comes back home, he's way too tired to do anything. He takes his pills one by one and then he does to sleep again, his body sweating under all of the layers but he's just too tired to take them off, so he simply ignores the problem. He wakes up about six hours later because his phone is buzzing, but he doesn't even look at it. He gets up, he walks his dog out again and once again falls asleep the moment he gets back home. That's how his day goes. Even is too tired to do anything, so he refuses to eat and the only thing that makes him get up from bed is the fact that Daisy needs to pee. His phone keeps ringing somewhere in the background as he sleeps, but he doesn't seem to care. For some weird reason, Even feels empty and there's nothing that could make it better. Except Daisy, of course and even now, throughout his sickness and tiredness Even knows that he will have to thank Sonja. Daisy makes everything just a little bit better and he surely doesn't feel as alone as he's used to feel.  
The blond boy wakes up about ten hours later and god, he's pumped with energy. He manages to take a shower, to brush his teeth and he even finds his phone in between the sheets on his bed. There are five missed calls from Sonja, two from Isak and more than twenty messages from both of them. They seem quite angry at him, but Even smiles with every message he reads.  
_"I'll be there at the party, Isak!!! Can't wait to see you!"_ He replies to one of many messages and better than ever before. If he's correct, it's Friday already and he doesn't know where the hell did the last few days go, but he's alright with it. He calls Sonja and ignores her worried tone, he just simply ask if she could look after Daisy for tonight - the older girl gladly agrees and now Even is even happier. He's singing as he's cleaning his apartment up and he's reading the messages coming from Isak, who seems quite confused at the moment. The younger boy is happy that Even is coming to the party, but he's worried and wants to know if everything is okay - Even hasn't replied to any of his messages for hours.  
When Sonja finally comes and starts asking him questions, Even simply decides to ignore her motherly side. He's cold, so cold that he has to hide his body under many layers of clothes and he's so happy, that he even kisses Sonja's forehead on his way out.  
It takes him an hour and a half to finally find the place full of people that he doesn't know. With the hood of his sweater on his head, Even looks around, hoping to find Isak, but he doesn't. There many people making out and there are even more just dancing around the rooms, so Even is pretty sure that he has found the right place. His doubts are gone the moment he sees Vilde waving at him. The girl is short and is wearing a tiny black dress and Even, although, he has no interest in her, has to stop for a moment to appreciate how beautiful she looks. She's quite clingy and wants Even to meet all of her friends, but he doesn't mind. He smiles as he takes her hand and nods to every pretty girl that takes the time too look at him. It makes him happy, makes him feel appreciated and loved. Thanks to Vilde, Even meets Noora and Sana. The two girls seem to be having an intense conversation about human rights and the blond boy promises to get back at them as soon as Vilde lets him go. He has been to quite a lot of parties before but he has never met someone who'd love to talk about things like that while being completely sober. They keep moving forward and eventually, Even gets introduced to Eva and Jonas, who seem to recognize him from somewhere.  
"Oh my god, Jonas! It's Even!" The girl keeps repeating the same words and Even gets confused. She's hugging him and smiling and Jonas is smiling too, so Even hopes that it's okay that he's here, that Isak didn't say anything remotely bad about him to his friends."Isak said that you were a new friend of his, but he didn't mention that you were so cute.." Jonas keeps laughing and Eva is still hugging him, but the word friend makes his heart hurt.  
"You should go and find Isak, man. He's here somewhere." Jonas laughs as he gently pushes Eva away from him and Even nods, thanking him without any words leaving around. Vilde is not here anymore so Even gets a chance to actually go and look for Isak. There are way too many people bumping into him and by the time he reaches the emptiest place in the whole house, kitchen, his clothes are soaking with many drinks that people have spilled on him. But he actually finds Isak here, he's talking to a short haired girl who reminds Even someone that he used to know, the boy just doesn't know who.  
"Isaaak, I miss you!" The younger boy seems extremely miserable so Even decides to help. He's been drunk many times before, so it's easy for him to act it out as he steps forward and pulls the blonde into his arms."I have so much planned for us tonight, we should go.." His voice reminds him of a child, but Even is not embarrassed. It's just a matter of seconds and his lips find Isak's neck, as if the short haired girl isn't even there. Isak shivers under his touch and sighs quietly.  
"As you see, I kinda have to go now.. I'll see you later, Emma." Isak smiles to the girl as he takes Even's hands and pulls him away from the kitchen. The older boy isn't acting anymore and Isak can see that he's completely sober, although, a little too happy, too giggly, as if he was high.  
However, it doesn't take long for Even to realize that Isak doesn't want to be seen with him, but he doesn't mind. He's used to being everyone's little secret, it's nothing new to him. Nobody wants people to know that they're in some kind of relationship with person that's mentally ill. He doesn't complain but when Isak shuts the room door behind him, Even kisses him and, as their lips and tongues connect, he stops overthinking, stops feeling the same of being ill pulsing through his body. They kiss and they kiss and Even kisses Isak's jaw line and neck, and it doesn't take them too long to actually get out of their clothes. Even's fingers are barely touching Isak's skin, as if the older boy is just learning about him. Even admires him. He loves the way his body reacts to every touch that the makes, he loves how his chest gets even redder than his face when Even whispers something rather dirty into his ear. Even is grinding on Isak and he can feel his hard-on throughout his underwear and it feels rather good and even better when he actually goes down and wraps his red lips around it. The younger boy seems completely lost under his touch and the moans that leave his lips make Even excited. His long fingers start pumping the length of Isak's dick as his tongue traces the veins that are popping from the slightly pink skin. Isak's fingers are tangled in Even's hair and the moans that are leaving his lips are louder than ever, however, he doesn't seem to mind the fact that someone might hear the way the he moans the older boy's name. It doesn't take long for Isak to cum and he wants to return the favor, although his knees are shaking and he feels weak,but Even doesn't let him. He doesn't want Isak to feel as if he has to do something. Even promises to be right back as he puts his jeans on and leaves the room. It takes him good five minutes to find the toilet throughout the people and god, the second he locks the door, he feels the blood rush underneath his skin. It takes twenty more minutes for Even to come, as his long fingers start to pump the length of his own and his mind traces him back to Isak just a few minutes ago, to his body, his soft moans and the way he reacted to every step that Even dared to take. He cleans after himself and when he finds his way back to Isak's room, the younger boy is still very naked and asleep. Even sighs as he fills the small and empty space near Isak with his body and he doesn't take him too long to fall asleep either. He feels good and safe and happy and if there's nothing that he had to hide from. Oh, if only did he knew, that from the moment that they kissed, he was in for the hardest and the longest ride of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I wanted to end this chapter on a light note because I'm going away for a week and probably won't upload anything for a while. I hope you like it, but don't hesitate to give me feedback, I want to hear your opinions. What do you think about it? Are enjoying it? What are the things that you like or dislike about this fic? Thank you!
> 
> Also, please come and talk to me on tumblr, I'm really nice: https://skam4life.tumblr.com/


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Even feels happy. For a while.

That night Even dreams of Isak. His dreams are full of love and lust and everything that comes in between, but the blond boy is quite used to it now. Isak has been on his mind since the day they first met. Sure, it hasn't been that long and they have been hanging out sometimes, but Even clearly remembers the first time that Isak smiled to him and he remembers how that shy smile made everything feel right again. He's aware of the fact that he shouldn't depend on someone he just met that much, he knows that Isak shouldn't be the main reason of his happiness, but the younger boy makes him feel so soft and so warm inside that Even can't find the right words to describe the way that he actually feels. Even just wants to believe that everything is going to be okay. He really does, but the second he wakes up in a bed that definitely isn't his, something feels very very wrong. Of course, Even would like to believe that it's his mental illness acting up once again, but this time it's different. The pain inside his chest is filled with sadness and, even though it's not as annoying as the pain that he's used to, it makes everything feel even worse. It takes him a few minutes to understand what's wrong. He's in Isak's room and every little detail in it reminds him of Isak, but the younger boy is simply not here. He's gone and the bed feels empty and just as cold as it is when Even sleeps alone, so the blond simply takes it as a sign to leave. It takes him a few more minutes to actually get dressed and make the bed and, although his heart aches with every step that he takes, he quickly gets ready to leave. He doesn't get a chance to actually do so, though. The second he actually opens the door he's with the presence of Isak. The shorter boy looks as beautiful as ever and it takes a few moments for Even to actually remember how to breathe. His hair is messy and he sort of looks like a lost puppy, but Even can't help but think that Isak the prettiest boy that he has ever seen.  
"Oh." Isak's voice is so quiet that Even can hardly hear him. His voice is trembling and he seems quite sad that Even is leaving, which ignites a small flame of hope inside Even's chest."Are you leaving already? I though that we could hang out for a bit.. Like watch a movie something.." He doesn't even get to finish his sentence as the older boy simply breaks into a wide smile. There's nothing else that he wants more than to hang out with Isak, so the younger boy's offer manages to actually fulfill his dreams. He texts Sonja and tells her that he won't be back till the evening and the girl seems quite fine with it, so Even is fine too. He uses Isak's toothbrush to brush his teeth and, although, he used to think that it was gross and nasty, it doesn't feel as bad when Isak is right by his side. Sure, he'd prefer actually kissing him, but since Even is not sure about their boundaries, he doesn't. They spend the day watching dumb tv shows that make Even confused, but since Isak is actually enjoying them, Even doesn't say a word. Seeing Isak happy makes him happy too, so there's nothing else that he wants from life right now. Sadly, the day passes by way too fast and Even HAS to leave. He doesn't want to, though, but Sonja has some things to do and he doesn't want to leave Daisy alone for the night. The only problem is that Even doesn't know how to say goodbye to Isak, so they spend about five minutes in the doorway trying to do so and then Isak kisses him. His lips are soft and nice and warm against his own, so Even doesn't hesitate to kiss him back. They spend another five minutes just kissing and touching and whispering sweet nothings but to the older boy it means so much more than it should.   
Five minutes after Even actually leaves, he gets a message. It's a simple heart from Isak but it melts his heart. It's just something about the idea that he actually think about him that makes Even feel so nice and soft inside. It's not that he's not used to people caring about him. He knows that Sonja cares and his mother does too. Even Mikael texts him from time to time just to make sure that everything is okay, but now he knows that Isak cares too and that makes him just so happy.  
When he actually gets home, he spends about an hour watching Sonja get ready. They talk about Isak and about the date that she's going to and everything seems just fine. He still loves her, though. Sure, his love is quite different now, but he still cares about her and her happiness, so seeing her so cheerful and so full of life makes him even happier. He knows that they were happy together, but right now Sonja is glowing. Her eyes are shining and she's smiling and she seems relaxed. Maybe it's because she doesn't have to go and clean up his mess all the time, maybe it's because she actually got time for herself, but it doesn't really matter. Even just loves hanging out with her and with Daisy and he loves seeing both of his girls happy, it's just that when Sonja leaves, he's left alone with Daisy and all of the thoughts and words that Sonja said that make him sad again.  
"Don't let him break your heart, Even." Sounds quite easy, until the blond boy actually realizes that Isak is just one step away from it. He fell too deep too fast, so right now all he can do is hope that Isak won't be the one to actually break his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm so sorry for not uploading this for soooo long, I just couldn't bring myself to write anything. I hope that you enjoyed it and if you did ( or if you didn't), please let me know in the comments. I care about each and every word you say and it means a lot to me :)  
> Also, feel free to follow me on tumblr: https://sanabakkcrush.tumblr.com/


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Isak realizes some things.

It's the thought of Isak that scares him the most. The thought of his own fingertips slowly tracing the redness of the younger boy's skin and the thought of his body trembling against his touch. They have been hanging out for weeks now and Even didn't even notice how fast the time has passed and now he's so attached to the younger boy that he's scared of it. He's used to people around him seeing his insecurities, seeing everything that he's so ashamed of, but Isak doesn't seem to notice anything different about him. The younger boy sees him just the way that he wants to be seen, as if there's nothing wrong with the fact that he takes a lot of pills every morning or with the fact that sometimes he just sleeps and ignores everything around him. Thanks to Isak, everything seems just so peaceful and that's what makes Even afraid. He can sense that something bad is coming. He can feel it in his bones and his heart that aches every time he wakes up. It's been going on for quite a while now and Isak has no idea that there's something wrong with him and he doesn't want him to know. He doesn't want to burst the buble of the perfect life that they have been living in. And Isak doesn't seem to realize that there's something wrong until one day when he wakes up in an empty bed in Even's room. It smells like the older boy's perfume and Daisy is here too, but Even is not here, so Isak goes to to the bathroom and then to the living room and then to the kitchen, but the blond boy is simply not here. And the kitchen looks like a mess. There's milk and flour on the floor and some burnt eggs on the counter which makes Isak confused. They have been seeing each other for a while now and they have spent most of the time in Even's apartment and he has never seen it as dirty as it is now. He simply text Even asking _where the fuck he is and what the fuck had just happened in the kitchen_ and, although, it's quite unusual to him, he starts cleaning up. It takes him an hour and a half to actually do so, but when he finishes the kitchen is just sparkling and Isak so proud of himself that he goes to text Even in a matter of seconds. It's just that he hasn't replied to his previous messages yet and it makes Isak worried. The thing that he really likes about Even is that he always replies pretty fast.  
It takes him three more hours to actually get worried, so Isak does the only reasonable thing that he can think of. He calls Sonja. She picks up in a matter of second and when he tells her that Even has been gone for quite a while now, her voice starts to shake and it seems like she's actually struggling with something. She's asking questions about Even's sleeping schedule and Isak doesn't have answers to at least half of them so he feels like a shitty boyfriend, but when Sonja says that she'll be there in a half an hour he feels thankful. He doesn't really like her and he's quite jealous of the fact that she knows Even so well, but right now it's all he needs.  
"I already called his parents and I think that they called the police, I guess now we just have to wait.." She rushes in about fifteen minutes later and Isak is more confused than ever. The police? He's sure that Even didn't do anything wrong, so he stars asking questions and now it's Sonja's turn to get confused. She looks at him in disbelief and then sighs quietly, as if she knows something that he has no idea about.  
"I'm so sorry, darling. I really thought that you knew.." The blonde wraps her hands around his waist and although Isak doesn't want her to do so, it feels quite nice, so he doesn't push her away.  
She says that there's a lot he needs to understand and Isak agrees, so she makes him a cup of sweet tea and they sit on the couch with Daisy laying just between them. And then Sonja opens her mouth and she keeps talking for about an hour and suddenly, everything makes sense. All of those nights when Even couldn't sleep and all of those days when he couldn't get up, all of the pills he took and all of the words he said. By the time she finishes Isak is crying, but Sonja doesn't seem to mind. She wipes his tears away and tells him that everything is going to be alright and Isak really wants to believe that she's right.  
It's already dark outside when Sonja finally gets a call from Even's mother. He has been found and he's at home now. He's tired, so he's asleep and Isak isn't sure if he should go, but Sonja reassures him that it's okay, so he spends the night at Even's parents. The older boy is asleep, looking so innocent, almost child-like. Isak keeps brushing his hair with his shaky finger and he keeps kissing his sweaty face as if he's trying to make sure that Even is really here, safe and well. And that's the first time that Isak realizes that he's so deeply and utterly in love with Even. And everything is going to be okay, simply because it has to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people! I've been thinking that this fic should end at the chapter 10. I don't want it to be too long and I think that we're coming closer to the end with every chapter that I post. I hope you enjoyed it and if you did ( or if you didn't), please leave kudos or comment something, because I really love feedback. Happy Easter, ily!
> 
> Please come ant talk to me on [tumblr](https://sanabakkcrush.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> I guess I could continue it as a chaptered story if you show any interest in it. ily


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